Just a note, the space bar on this particular computer seems to suck ass, I am not actually that poor a typist!
Also, it ain'tjust foodthey put in those offerings...

Time again to spew!
Wespent the last three days in theobviously pure hell situation of sailing around the Whitsunday Islands off the coast of Australia...I know I feel sorry for me too. The sailing was a blast, in fact the shitty weather on the second day made it more fun for sailing (rougher seas..yaddah yaddah). We setoff on the "Southern Cross" on Wednesday morning and spent that day sailing around through crystal clear waters and then hit a beach that was easily one of the 5 best I have ever seen...white sand, really fine silica stuff, that was about 2 miles long. The water was also really nice, although clearly had lots o' sand sharks and other critters swimming just off shore, so people were a bit shy about getting in too far. Other than that the day fiished up with a nice BBQ on deck and much imbibing of boxed vino and canned beer...ahh life is good. The next day was shitteh (that's aborigine for shitty), but the rain made for a good day to be in the water snorkeling and a blast of a time sailing through somewhat hairy seas. Got to stand out on the front of the boat trying to pull the fore sail down in a major wind which was quite the challenge as well. That evening was a dissapointment as far as the rest of the passengers were concerned, but the Bodenheimer brothers held up the mantle of boozing for the rest of the boat, by losing multiple jugs of beer to our hostess Tricia while playing blackjack and then following with several very amusing games of asshole...for those of you who know the game, I had Neal (the asshole) singing "I'm a little teapot" while drunkenly trying to get more beers off of the deck in 20-40 knot winds...at least I found it amusing. The last day we finally got to go dive on the reef, which was really great. In fact, the shit you see up here pretty much dwarfs most of what we saw in Mexico a few years ago...crazy amigos.
Tomorrow we depart the continent of Australia, and their love of all things Red Hot and Chili, for the wonderful world of Bali, Indonesia. One thing I certainly look forward to is the longevity of the dollar there. Australia wasn't expensive, but neither was it supa cheap...okay I give up...this post is boring as my job at Bravo! Give me a minute and I'll try and think up something at least mildly interesting to tell you all about...I'm gonna lose whatever little audience I have with this crap!

Okay...a few drinks later and I am feeling a bit better...okay where was I? Sailing, Bali, oh yeah thisplace Cairns (pronounces Cans for some odd reason). This is supposed to be quite the little getdown town...I believe the quote in Lonely Planet (which coincidentally is a less than stellar guidebook), "It has been said that if you can't score in Cairns you should stop trying." Talk about fucking pressure...my god if I don't get muhself sum here I am going to have to give up sex altogether? Sweet Jesus...I'd better clean my nappy self up a bit and get out on the town...actually regarding hygene,it ain't easy to stay my prim ,propper self on the road. I suspect that as we move into summer and into SE Asia things will get trmendously stank. All told we are keeping ourshit relatively clean, doing a wash every few weeks and actually trudging down the nasty ass hall of each hostel to the cold showers they hold...it's not really too bad, although after sailing I have come to the conclusion that sailors in general are nasty folkas the shower on a shipis little more than a dripping garden hose...not too bad if you are in the water all day as we were, but I don't recall them getting in the water even once????

Well as you can tell above no real inspiration today....we are off to Asia tomorrow (after, as Pierce Starr would say, Gettin Some..tonight) and don't know how the connection to the rest of the universe is there so posts may be fewer and more far between, but I'lldo my best as I am still somewhat addicted to the computer. I've heard from some pretty random folks lately, which is great, and hope to hear from more of you.I also noticed the world of tech companies is plummeting into the 7th level of hell, so I hope all my friends back actually trying to earn a living are doing so...next time from somewhere north of the equator...
Pete

Well it finally happened...you all knew it was coming...I knew it was coming...any mullet on the street knew this was an inevitable situation. The $$ extraction machine finally got the better of us and bent us over. We got to Hervey Bay to hit Fraser Island, the world’s largest sandbar which lies just off of the coast. We both knew that the only really good way to see it was by renting a 4x4 and hitting the island for a few days of camping, but due to time and cash constraints we had to go for alternative B:
The Tour (aka Becoming the Jailyard Bitch of The Australian Tourist Industry)
Imagine, if you will, being herded onto a bus with a bunch of other idiots, some realizing their predicament as we were and others happily oblivious. After forking over the requisite dinero we were shuttled off in 3rd class comfort for a lovely weekend of crappy food and being hustled quickly from the sites we wanted to see so that we could spend more time in the gift shop.
By the way, and just between us, I know I shouldn’t have anything to bitch about in my situation, but isn’t it more fun this way?
All in all Fraser Island is an incredible natural phenomenon, with brilliant clear lakes, and amazing ecology that runs the gamut from rainforest to desert...crazy shit. This said the 3 to 4 hours we spent actually seeing these pale in comparison to the 35 hours we spent eating food that probably has a legal "other" limit of 5%, and listening to drunk Swedes sing "Hotel California"...side note time:

Neal and I have officially begun an educational undertaking for our travels, we aim to determine what is the most overplayed song in the world. The two early favourites are:
Brown Eyed Girl - originally performed by Van Morrison, now performed by every no talent hack on the planet
Romeo and Juliet - This Dire Straits "classic" should be retired to muzak where it belongs.

I could go on and on about "the tour" (as it will be referred to as for the rest of eternity), but frankly I am tired of it...

Onto brighter things, we are now in Airlie Beach preparing to go sailing for 3 wonderful days around the WhitSunday Islands (the great barrier reef). Hoping to get in some diving as well, as we just found out that it is now out of the question once we begin taking our heinous Malaria pills (Larium-which I am quite sure you will here more about once the fucked up dreams start). The boat we are going to be on, The Southern Cross, was apparently once an America’s Cup class racer that they have now converted into a "fun" boat. It is actually a great deal, as they have something like 12 or 14 berths that people buy and then go out for 3 days and 2 nights twice a week...I guess it is the sailing equivalent of putting a champion stallion out to stud. After that it is onto Cairns where we fly to Bali and end the Aussie portion of our trip...so far so good, although I did almost run the golden beautifilly of a car we have into a nice Australian couple a few days ago...whoops.
Other than that, things still go smoothly and neither Neal nor I have as of yet sustained any major injuries (either to our bodies or our egos)...although we did battle it out with a spider the size of a muffelatta that had decided to camp out on Fredo the golden chariot...after Neal swung and missed with my flip-flop three times (therefore striking out by the rules of MLB) we decided that the best course of action would be to fling the doors open and dive into the car quickly slamming the door behind. Our logic being that this lumbering giant couldn’t get into the car that quickly and then we would drive really really fast and he would, of course not be able to hang on...we are not, quite clearly, very bright. This seemed like a good idea at the time, seeing as I curl up into the fetal position at the sight of a daddy-long legs. Well, guess what...it didn’t fucking work...that monster of a beast was hissing and spitting and cursing my mother (it’s true...I had no idea spiders had such foul tongues) when I next got out of the car. What did I do you ask? I gathered my overly abundant reserves of courage, removed my oh so deadly flip-flop, and crushed that fucker for saying all those nasty things about the dear sweet neenster! Although, it now occurs to me that with that and my slaughter of the very dangerous little redback I saw in Coff’s Harbor, my spider karma is now exceedingly negative and I could be in real trouble when we hit the rainforests of SE Asia.

That’s it for today, although we can only hope more fun comes from our trip on the Southern Cross (a fine name for a boat don’t you think?) than we encountered with the Dingos and Fuckwads(that’s their official name now) of Fraser Island

By the way, Neal says that I am officially writing for him today, he also states that he is a big whiny bitch with offensive gas....who am I to argue?